Celebrity crush poem

The following celebrity crush poem originally appeared on J. Hope Stein’s Poetry Crush. 

A Glorious Bastard

Fateful Sunday in June

Under full-figured moon

Powered up my computer

‘Twas to iTunes I tuned


To a film about Basterds

About murder and gore…

Soon my heart was defeated!

SS Hans won the war!


With his “Pas si mauvais”

And his strudel au lait

His Ital masquerade

Charming medals and gray


What the fuck, Christoph Waltz?

I said somewhat loud

Sitting cross-armed in bed

Mouth agape, furrowed brows


How could your beautiful face so perplex me?!

Never a solid attraction so vexed me.


Cuz wanting an SS man

Reader, it’s true

Was deeply confusing

For this little Jew

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